Section 3

Tell me, what is better than heaven? What is better than the stars? Name any human body you wish; none is so bright. Name any eyes you wish; no eyes are so radiant. When the heavens and stars were first made, even the angels marveled at them, and we still marvel now—but not with the same astonishment as at the beginning. That is what familiarity does: it no longer strikes us in the same way. How much more is this true of a wife? And if sickness comes as well, physical beauty quickly disappears.

Let us seek in a wife goodwill, modesty, and gentleness. These are the marks of beauty. Let us not seek bodily attractiveness, nor blame her for things over which she has no control. Better still, let us not blame her at all—that is presumptuous behavior—nor become resentful or bitter. Do you not see how many men have lived with beautiful wives and ended their lives miserably, while many who lived with women who were not especially beautiful reached extreme old age with great happiness?

Let us wipe away the inward spot, pluck out the inward wrinkles, and remove the blemishes of the soul. This is the beauty God seeks. Let us make her beautiful for God, not for ourselves.

Do not seek money from a wife, nor outward nobility of family, but nobility of soul. Let no one expect to become rich through his wife. Such wealth is shameful and disgraceful; indeed, no one should seek wealth from this source at all. “Those who desire to be rich,” Scripture says, “fall into temptation and foolish and harmful desires, and into snares, destruction, and ruin.” So do not seek an abundance of money from your wife, and you will find all the other things easily.

Tell me, who would neglect the most important things in order to take care of lesser ones? Yet, alas, we suffer from this everywhere. If we have a son, we do not concern ourselves with how he may become good, but with how we may obtain a wealthy wife for him; not how he may have good character, but how he may have plenty of money. If we take up a profession, we ask not how it may be free from sin, but how it may bring us great profit. Everything has become money. This is why everything has been corrupted: the love of money has taken possession of us.

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.” What does this mean? Paul now comes to an even greater image, a stronger example, and one that is nearer and clearer. He also gives another ground of obligation. For the earlier example was not very compelling. To keep someone from saying, “He was Christ; He was God; He gave Himself up,” Paul now approaches the matter from another direction: “So husbands ought...” This is not a favor; it is a debt.

“As their own bodies.” Then he adds, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it”—that is, he cares for it with great attention. And how is the wife his own flesh? Listen: “This now is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Not only that, but it also says, “They shall become one flesh.”

“As Christ also loved the Church.” Paul returns to his first example: “because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” How is this so? For Christ came from our own material, just as Eve was flesh from Adam’s flesh. Paul appropriately mentions both bones and flesh, because these are the chief things in us: flesh and bones. The bones lie beneath like a keel, and the flesh is like the structure built upon them.

The relation in Adam and Eve is clear. But how does this apply to Christ and us? Just as there was such closeness there, Paul says, so there is here. What does “of His flesh” mean? It means truly from Him. And how are we members of Christ in this way? Because we have been brought into being according to Him.

And how are we “of His flesh”? Those of you who partake of the Mysteries know: from this we are immediately remade. How? Listen again to the blessed Paul: “Since the children have shared in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same.” But here He shared with us, not we with Him. How, then, are we “of His flesh and of His bones”?

Some say this means the blood and the water, but that is not so. What Paul means to make clear is this: just as Christ was born from the Holy Spirit without sexual union, so we too are born in the baptismal washing. See how many examples there are for believing in that birth.

What folly on the part of the heretics! They acknowledge that what has already been born from water is a true offspring because it is born, yet they refuse to accept that we become Christ’s body. If, then, we do not become His body, how can the words “of His flesh and of His bones” apply to us?

Consider the pattern. Adam was formed; Christ was born. From Adam’s side came corruption; from Christ’s side flowed life. In Paradise death sprang up; on His Cross death was destroyed.